Life, on Repeat.

Well, the last few weeks have been a blur.

What has happened in the last two weeks? . . .Let's see:

Hubby's bestie came to visit.
I had a birthday.
Tax day came and went.
My sister had a birthday.

I am one of those people that gets really excited for their birthday. I don't know why, I just have always loved it. This year I didn't expect much out of my birthday, obviously I've been feeling a little down, and a little more than a little overwhelmed. I really didn't plan anything since I was feeling "bleh", so it was wonderful that my husband got a visitor for the weekend. I really think it helped lift his spirits, and sometimes that is the perfect job for an old friend.

We started packing up the house so the contractor can get in and start demolishing the interior. I'm terrible at packing. I find random items and get all nostalgic over them, and really it is somewhat difficult putting your life in a box. The first few days were the hardest and I was more than grateful for my husband, he not only keeps me on track and motivated, but he really ROCKS at packing! There hasn't been power in the house this whole time, so we do as much as we can while there is daylight, and shower by candlelight.

Between cleaning and packing up all of our stuff that is salvageable there just hasn't been much time for the rest of life. It seems like work, cleaning, and packing are my life now, and thankfully we are almost done with that.

Tonight my coworkers are going bowling, since it is after the sun will be down, I think we can actually go! Fingers crossed. 

"Lasciate Ogne Speranza, Voi Ch'intrate"

Yesterday we started washing clothes. Laundry Detergent, Borax, White Vinegar, and Downy Unstoppable, and a second rinse, and it is still taking two full washes! We barely managed two loads. :(

I find myself attempting to cling to the most absurd things, at one point yesterday I grabbed a bunch of hangers from the laundry room, because I thought I could wash them. It was a ridiculous notion, and about ten minutes in to struggling with the tangle of hangers in a Homer Bucket I gave up. My husband laughed and said "We can buy new ones." Phrase of the week there, we will have to buy "new" almost everything. 

Yesterday I also learned that travel trailers can lock automatically. Of course the keys were inside of it when I made this discovery. As if we had the $140 to waste on a locksmith. 

I'm especially thankful for my Amazon Prime music collection right now. There is no TV in the trailer, so I am rocking out to soundtracks. Right now it's Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. I'm sure the neighbor is wondering what the screeching is coming out of that rocking trailer. 

Today, more laundry. Perhaps a nap. It's difficult to sleep in because of how bright it gets. I woke at 6:46 today. Yuck. If it is still too bright for napping I'll get some reading in. 

Tomorrow, back to work. I've been wondering how that will be, my mind seems like such a disaster right now. 

Gotta Learn to Breathe

Right now I feel like everything in life is in disarray all I want is a little bit of control. 

I feel myself losing it when I can't. I definitely need to chill the fuck out, but

at the same time there are some things you just don't do. 

No Amount of Perfume

It didn't seem like much happened in regards to the house today, but the day was eventful nonetheless.

I'm not generally what you would call an Early Riser...I don't have much of a choice now, I gets quite bright in the trailer. I should use this time to break my bad habits, and maybe even make some good ones. 

Since I was up early today I played disc with my dad. I definitely have been searching for motivation to get back in shape. 

I also got a hair cut, it definitely helped relieve some stress. 

I did scramble up some decent (meaning only half as filled with smoke) clothes to wear to my sister's wedding, which was beautiful, unfortunately I didn't get many pictures. 😢. 

Enter, the Trailer.

Today the insurance adjuster came. We still don't have an idea for how long the repairs will take, but at least there will be repairs.

Now we have power in part of the house, the bedrooms and bathroom, but it will be what seems like ages before it's liveable.

We also moved into the trailer today... And I used to bitch about how small my house was.

Tomorrow one of my sisters is getting married, and I feel like Cinderella just wishing I had something to wear that wasn't covered in soot.

Limbo: Day Two

As expected, nothing new happened today. We're told the insurance adjuster will come tomorrow; perhaps then we can begin to pick up the pieces. It seems like I'm constantly realizing another item that will need to be replaced. Today it was silverware. 

I really am trying to stay positive, but sometimes I feel Loss.  A family member's cat came asking for some pets and the second I laid my hand on him I wanted to burst out crying. I really loved my kitty, but part of me wonders if he's just my outlet for release. 

Goodbye my handsome boy, I'll see you again one day. 

Now Entering Limbo... Wait Time, Eternity?

What is one traumatic event you could never imagine happening to you? A natural disaster, a house fire, a horrible vehicle wreck? From the outside we see these things happening to others, but we never really believe it could happen to us. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined losing my home to a fire, and now, on the first day of trying to put the pieces back together, I can't stop picturing it.

My poor, sweet kitty... I can't stop seeing his lifeless body. He looked so peaceful, like he never even knew the smoke was suffocating him. I just want to rub his nose one more time, and tell him what a good kitty he was. I loved that stupid cat so much. "I am Jay's broken heart."

So today was day one. We wait in limbo wondering what the next step is. How do we even begin to recover when we don't even know that extent of the damage? 

-23:06 March 30th, 2015